guardian angels without number watch you as you gently slumber

I have been blessed, I think, with the great capacity to sleep.

Sometimes it’s a curse, actually. Like those weekends (ha, back in the day when I had weekends actually off) when I actually needed to get up early to study and ended up majorly sleeping in — even when I’d gone to bed at a decent hour the night before. Or when I fall asleep on the couch (or honestly, many times, in bed), way too early for bed, wake up and drag myself into bed, and then sleep ’till the next morning…

I give myself the excuse that I’m chronically sleep-deprived — and I am — but I’m pretty sure that I can’t really be making up for sleep I lost a year ago. It’s like a ceramic pot you dash on the floor and try to put back together again — never quite what it once was. I’m pretty sure that whatever damage I’ve done to my brain & body over the last few years will never be really, truly, undone.

In honesty, though, I know most people struggle with the transition to and from night float. I’m lucky — I never had a problem. I’d just play video games until the sun came up, or worked on mixing, or a video, or website code — and then fall (and stay) asleep with minimal issue. Sometimes, I’d even go to sleep with Greg at around 1am, and then maybe wake up at around 2pm and take a nap again at around 4-5pm. When I transitioned back, I’d just sleep for most of the day and then go to bed again at around 11pm-1am (sometimes even earlier!) It wasn’t until this last time around when I was transitioning back that I found myself completely unable to sleep at night and so tired during the day I’d have to take a nap at lunch. (It may or may not have been my fault, caused by playing a lot of video games and going to bed at around 4am when I had to work at 8am…)

It went on like this for more than a week until I had a 28 hour call and managed to reset myself — last week, I slept blissfully… as I did last night, sleeping from 2:30am until 4pm (getting up to pee at around noon, but otherwise undisturbed).

As I was washing my hair today before work, singing happily away to whatever Pandora was streaming at the moment — I felt so whole. Yeah, sometimes it’s a curse, but today, I feel thoroughly blessed & grateful for my ability to sleep.

Leave a Reply